if found please return to Julia Segal

My "fuckyeahTumblrisdown.tumblr.com" site was not well thought out

2010-12-06T14:25:00.015-05:00

Ok so Tumblr is down, and I thought I would remind you of my old, but just as weird, blog. So now you don't have to go outside and catch cold, or actually do the work you are supposed to be doing, or kill yourself because you haven't seen any pictures of cats in construction uniforms or something. You can just read my blog and eat whatever food you have in your house, and if you don't have food in the house, you can order pizzas online, which is great, until you have to answer the door and interact with another human. Damn you technology! You're so busy trying to perfect 3-D porn, you forgot about making a robot that answers the door, pays the delivery person, and maybe even calls my parents and pretends to be my personal assistant. Now since you miss my Tumblr,here's some random pictures.

Invisiblity...for dummies!

2009-05-24T13:56:00.007-04:00

Please sit down before you read on,and maybe cover your Mac book with plastic wrap,because what I am about to reveal may BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT and I don't want to ruin your computer.Ready? I found a website that promises to teach you how to be invisible. I wasn't even looking for it,because I, like everyone else in the world who lives in reality,thought being invisible was the stuff of superhero fantasies.I was wrong.The website claims: "This method is used by the CIA and foreign agencies...you can go anywhere without being seen....it works even when you're completely surrounded by cameras or people." You can also vanish & reappear as you wish, wherever you may be.Are you sold? Probably,but the authors of this book though you might be cynical,so they added a BONUS book! Yeah..maybe you are a JERK and invisibility is not enough for you,so when you buy the book, you get THE WIZARDS BOOK of Animal SECRETS.What's that book about?!?!?I don't know if you can even handle what I am about tell you...but with this book, the website claims,you can:command flocks of birds...teach you dog to walk on stilts...keep a squirrel in your pocket...make your cat use a toilet...oh, and BRING DEAD ANIMALS BACK TO LIFE!Don't explode from all the awesomeness...and don't be scared when I show up invisibly behind you holding your formerly dead cat...just thank me for the information.
click HERE to go to the site!

Teen Wolf.....Girl?!

2009-05-02T16:50:00.004-04:00

I always want to remake my favorite teen movies from the 80's and 90's...keeping them pretty much the same, but changing them from having a male lead to a female lead...For instance, think of how many dumb jokes can be squeezed out of having a female lead in a Teen Wolf remake....I am imagining a charming "trying to shave her legs..but the hair keeps growing back" scene...Genius! I think of great female lead remake movies all the time...almost any movie works....ALMOST! the 80's movie, Loverboy, would not work...because a girl that delivers pizzas with extra anchovies to older men and then sleeps with them for money, is not so much a "Lovergirl" as she is a prostitute...Bummer, cause I really like the original movie....damn you society...with all your stupid Patrick Dempsey double standards!

Pink Floyd reunited and moved next door to me .....I AM SO PISSED!

2009-04-25T03:33:00.003-04:00

FACT:No one has ever lived next door to a good band....Even if you LOVE the music...the close proximity of the music to your apt. makes you unable to appreciate it...
...Think about it, somebody lives/lived next door to RADIOHEAD!?! and even THAT DUDE is probably banging on the wall at 3 A.M screaming, "Radiohead!!turn your amps down! I am trying to listen to some Radiohead songs!"Even if the Beatles SOMEHOW reformed, using Eric Clapton to fill in for the late George Harrison, and Jeff Lynne(ELO) or David Bowie to fill in for the late John Lennon....AND THEN they moved to a practice space next door to you...you would probably have to go over and tell them to stop playing the most beautiful music in the world...so that you can hear the televison program "America's Funniest Pets"...

∆∆∆Triangle Erotica...Polygon Porn ∆∆∆

2009-03-31T16:24:00.015-04:00

The funniest part of this picture,this strange Ron Jeremy art I saw on Connor Creagan's Flickr is that somewhere in this universe there is a small triangular picture with a huge penis on it. OK... so the triangle picture I made to illustrate my point should be a bit more graphic, but I am not at a place in my life where I feel comfortable typing, "Ron Jeremy penis huge dick" into my Google image search engine...yet.Sooooo I put a picture of a dude standing next to a bronze cast of an elephant penis...which is still too graphic...and now that i think about it....creepier somehow...SORRY!

call it like you see it.

2009-03-29T16:48:00.003-04:00

my brother showed me this very funny Beatles video.....it's the literal version....you will love it.

Depeche Mode and the World Trade Center

2009-03-27T04:21:00.011-04:00

Ok sorry about the emo blog title, but this is some heavy shit.Depeche Mode's song "Enjoy the Silence" is a 80's music staple...even the video for the song is really memorable, remembeit? Dude is walking through the desert dressed like a king,yeah, but I recently watched a different version though,a Depeche Mode promotional video, filmed at the top of the former World Trade Center (South Tower).
Oh yeah one more thing....according to Wikipedia,the band Limp Bizkit filmed much of their music video for the song "Rollin'" on the South Tower rooftop observation deck as well...but since Limp Bizkit SUCKS, I am not even gonna watch that one...I think naming an album,"Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water" should be cause to submit to a psychological examination...Limp Biz should get "Rollin'" on a Rorschach test!

Silly Love Songs.

2009-03-01T14:01:00.009-05:00

Diane Warren is a songwriter who's music you have heard a million times...whether you wanted to or not...Warren has written more than 90 Billboard top ten hits, 38 of those songs have reached #1, and she has been nominated 6 times for an Oscar..Basically this lady is killin' it,don't believe me? Here is a super short list of some of hits she has written for other artists.
-"Don't Want To Miss A Thing" Aerosmith
-"If I Could Turn Back Time" Cher
-"Unbreak My Heart" Toni Braxton
-"Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" Starship
The most amazing thing about Warren is that, even though almost ALL her songs deal with romantic themes....She has never been married, says she has never been in love ,and does not even enjoy dating.I listened to Diane Warren on NPR and she said that she has never been in love and she has never wanted to "stay awake just to hear someone breathing" a reference to her Aerosmith Armageddon song....good point.

Jesus didn't die for you to be a LOSER!

2009-02-24T02:24:00.006-05:00

Ceramic figurines don't lie.... I don't care what your parents told you about sportsmanship and being a team player....judging from these figurines you better hustle... Jesus want you to WIN!

drawing a photograph

2009-02-21T03:47:00.010-05:00

when I saw this picture for the first time, it was a really small thumbnail...and...I thought it was an ad for another Jurassic Park movie...and now that I can see the picture, I wish it was a new JP movie...here's the movie pitch in my head...."It's Jurassic Park...but this time...with dinosaurs AND giant killer bees!"....don't look for plot holes in that idea...because..it's...perfect. Actually that picture is by Dan McCarthy....his art is so dope, and the details are so incredible...sometimes I think his pictures are photographs. Check 'em see what I mean! For more,Click HERE

Come back old Las Vegas!

2009-02-19T03:35:00.007-05:00

My dad used to take the family to Las Vegas waaaay too much!He would ask us where we wanted to go on a family trip, and after we said "Hawaii"! or "Japan"!or "Skiing"!...(which isn't really a place).... He would say..."We are going to Las Vegas again"!!!!Now, I am not complaining,in fact, I am loving images of old school Las Vegas lately...vintage postcards,cheesy 70's and 80's pictures, and an amazing website written by former showgirl(click HERE to see more of her)
Check out that girl's amazing Sam Kinison T-shirt btw....all these things are making me regret not taking more pictures all the times we would visit Las Vegas....and also make me regret that I do not have a time machine.These guys know what I am talking about!

the greatest "Mall" ever.

2009-02-18T07:12:00.009-05:00

I just found the only place to shop! THE MILLENNIUM MALL! I live in NYC and I can't find the pure insanity located conveniently at this Oshkosh, WI based online mall....they have more crazy than ANYWHERE ELSE! What does this "mall" have that is NECESSARY to buy during this recession? Well, Here are some "essentials" the website offers:
candles....dolls(as in Voodoo),bears,metaphysical products.... sage to burn when anything bad happens(rather than do something about it)...bat's blood,graveyard dirt.....maps(who needs to buy maps?Google it),crystal stone helmets and (spiritual) power gloves.... dragons,wizards,celestial mirrors...Don't forget go to stop at theso you can dress like a "Goddess"...which I guess is just the new age way of saying "trannie-looking girl trying too hard" judging from the pictures!and then go chill withhe is a great "paranormal investigator" which is the new age way of saying jobless. Finally a flea market and a carnival in a mall...but online!!! It's about time!

A website about mooning people!

2009-02-17T23:54:00.008-05:00

DON'T yourself a favor and click here: Mooning You to see and hear the worst website of all times, and yes.... I AM including your grandma's myspace profile page in that category.....and you know her blingees are weird!
...but not as weird as butts...I can't believe this website is asking readers to send pictures....creepy buttheads.

the gift that keeps on...creeping you out!

2009-02-14T20:15:00.007-05:00

Everyone wants to buy the perfect present for a friend or loved one (or boss).....but it's hard to be sure of what to give...I may not know the perfect gift idea, but I think I figured out what NOT to buy anyone...ever..anything from here:The Australian based website that sells these things,really tries to convince you that kangaroo scrotum's are awesome and a good thing to make a pouch from. Stating that, "A scrotum pouch is a great sign to attract an opposite gender. Just place it on your car mirror"......but I am telling you now, something I LEARNED THE HARD WAY....scrotum pouches DON'T (the next part is to be read in a Chris Tucker character voice)ever! ever! ever! work in terms of attraction.
Yet, still the website treks on, offering suggestions of bigger scrotom pouches...or unique two ball style scrotum's...and if EVEN that doesn't work the website tries this one....how about office gifts, with you logo here....nice try Australia..you are not being helpful...though, I now DO know that my spell check will fix the word scrotum...so thanks Australia.

and I thought my family vacations were a nightmare!

2009-02-10T16:19:00.012-05:00

People in mascot costumes are scary..I mean you wouldn't let your kids hug a stranger...especially one wearing a mask...but if the stranger is in a SpongeBob costume...that's FINE!?!?It does make for a great PHOTO OP!But,these pictures from a Nickelodeon theme park hotel, make me wonder what kind of background checks these companies doing? I mean are they paying the FBI to look into the past of the guy who is making $7 an hour playing Diego?It's kinda scary!I guess everyone LOOKS happy..and I guess it doesn't matter much longer....

Rivers Cuomo creepy!

2009-02-10T03:41:00.014-05:00

Paul Robertson is my favorite....I can't even express how much I am in love with his shit....his animated short films....his art....his GIF images....the fact that he draws animation for games like Contra 4!I love every pixel.Why am I even explaining his greatness!?!?!?See for yourself! WATCH THIS Alas....Maybe somewhere out there in Australia, Paul Robertson is looking at the same moon I am looking at..(totally "An American Tail" style)...like that Weezer song "Across the Sea"...about a Japanese girl that is in love with Rivers Cuomo and writes him letters(btw the video of Weezer preforming the song LIVE in JAPAN to a bunch of Japanese girls is kinda creepy b/c of the song subject)

....anyway I think Australia is like 24 hours ahead of NYC...so we can't look at the moon at the same time....oh well..I've got your pictures...you've got my blog.check out more Paul Robertson

if the frog is talking to you...it's too late.

2009-02-09T02:08:00.007-05:00

This is Soozie, she is trying to tell kids NOT do drugs...but she just seems to be creeping everybody out.....she looks like she's been sniffing the glue...and the way she is wielding those scissors...she is probably a cutter... I think the best way to prevent kids from doing drugs, is to show them the video of that kid all drugged out from a dentist visit.
This kid let's out a primal scream that would make most children stay sober and possibly run out to get a straight edge tattoo XXX!!!!

the best sports headline ever?

2009-02-09T00:35:00.010-05:00

"When I watch sporting events,I like to imagine the mascots fighting each other:
Bears vs. Colts....Sweet!
Lions vs. Jaguars ... Cool!
Wizards vs. Heat...Amazing!
Magic vs. Jazz.... OK, this is kind of gay."

-Demetri Martin

I love that joke... so when I saw this headline from a college game...I thought it sounded like a great example of the Demetri Martin idea:
AWESOME!

What's making these watermelons wiggle?!?!??

2009-02-06T10:15:00.004-05:00

I always hated Bill Cosby's Jello commercials...not because of him...I just hated the annoying kids in them...I was probably just crazy jealous that I was not one of those kids....but now that I am a non-judgmental(hope hope)adult...I can enjoy those Jell-O commercials....especially when someone edits them all crazy and Max Headroom-esque...
I am glad I didn't make this...but I still love it...

size matters

2009-02-06T09:24:00.005-05:00

Some things seem better when they are bigger....like the new JUMBO Rice Krispies cereal...in my imagination this new multi grain cereal will allow me to make Rice Krispies treats using 2 pieces of cereal...I hate when corporations totally understand what products I want, before I know I want them.... Of course... bigger is not always better...this jellyfish is not cool...I mean I never met it...but it is probably an asshole.

bruce willis likes it wet & dry

2009-02-05T18:00:00.005-05:00

Bruce Willis was in a series of commercials designed to sell wine coolers to the male demographic...

These commercials did not work.... I am basing their failure on the fact that I have never seen a guy order a wine cooler at a bar...ever.

Commercials like these should be buried...but thank god they are not... how else could we see Bruce Willis move like a trained dancer....who plays the harmonica...and may be a sex addict...Oh yeah...

I guess we could always watch Hudson Hawk?!?!

Statuz Symbolz

2009-02-05T12:03:00.005-05:00

With the economy in dire straits and job security low....it's embarrassing to have to put my Louis Vuitton trash bags on the curb next to my neighbors GLAD bags....but I manage!I like ping-pong and I like chrome.....those two things are not crimes!!! Though, putting my ultra-expensive chrome ping-pong table on the front lawn...should be.

Sal Pacino is a silver fox.

2009-02-03T23:14:00.004-05:00

Get ready...this is perhaps the greatest YouTube video ever! Do you like Al Pacino? Do you like Dustin Hoffman? Do you like Sylvester Stallone? Well, then get ready to be entertained!
NONE of those people are in this video....BUT their PARENTS are!Behold the awesome power of Richard Simmons and the Silver Foxes....and yes Al Pacino's dad is named Sal Pacino....seriously.

Was he an asshole during Empire of the Sun filming?!?!?

2009-02-02T21:23:00.004-05:00

Christian Bale needs to smoke weed.....he is NOT CHILL....I am scared!Listening to him FREAK OUT on the director of photography during filming of the movie Termination Salvation is like getting yelled at by your friend's DAD....ugh!You still want to listen?!?!? Then listen HERE but then he's gonna call your parents and have them pick you up....you are in trouble!

pizza and puppies

2009-01-30T12:05:00.003-05:00

This futuristic looking cart is perfect for carrying extra cargo.....and by extra cargo, I mean,specifically, the stuff in the picture! Pizza Hut and dogs! Really, I can't think of anything else you want as cargo....In a perfect Utopian society pizza and dogs will be the most popular things in the world....Well at least until the year 2012!

mopping in the dark

2009-01-29T14:01:00.002-05:00

Finally!!! Someone invented a MOP with a LIGHT on it.......I thought we were gonna have to mop in the dark FOREVER!

insomnia made this picture.

2009-01-29T04:31:00.003-05:00

reminder...pictures I make (like this):and/or pictures I find somewhere else (like this):can be found on my very own Julia Segal Tumblr page.Check it out at
SKULL SWAP or stay here...just don't leave me..unless it's for me!

Richard Pryor...won't you be my neighbor?

2009-01-29T04:00:00.004-05:00

Richard Pryor's short lived 80's children's show complete with Ray Parker Jr.theme song(he did the Ghostbusters theme)is amazing!check out the show's opening and theme song...HERE-----> Pryor's Place
watch it.

useless gold turd

2009-01-29T03:00:00.008-05:00

this little bumble bee camera from Japan is so small it can go on your keychain...I like a blue one that has a dog on it...I understand it's usefulness and cuteness as a product...BUT...I STILL don't understand the obsession with cellphone straps. The straps attach charms and toys to your cellphone.and if there is nowhere to attach it???don't worry...they thought of that too.....and who exactly needs a gold POOP hanging from their phone?!?!?Nobody.Stop cluttering your style and my world!Oh...this one is cute though....cute and useless in a scary economic climate....During the first Great Depression in the U.S.A....I wonder if they cut back on cellphone straps?!?!?ummmm.PROBABLY!!!!

alien baby

2009-01-28T15:28:00.005-05:00

You might want to get a restraining order against anyone that owns this doll...I am not kidding when I say,this one is a Roswell alien baby doll.
The website marketing these little nightmares says:

"On a desolate stretch of desert, in the wee hours of the morning, a little green bundle was left behind. Now, a million light years from home, this little guy is all alone and looking for adoption from a loving Earthling. Ready to come home with you, the Roswell alien baby doll is an out-of-this-world creation".

the body is green fluorescent-like silicone,and his black eyes, according to the website,hold the "look of love." UMMMMM....RUN!!!EVERY ONE'S GONE INSANE!!!!!

Viva La Paranoia!

2009-01-28T00:25:00.006-05:00

The CheckMate 5 Minute Infidelity Test Kit™ is a creepy product that lets you detect semen on some one's underwear from the comfort of your own(possibly soon-to-be broken)home....According o the product's website the kit,"created the underwear testing revolution in 1999." WOW!!!I didn't even known the "underwear test revolution" had BEGUN!?!The test is used find evidence of sexual activity outside of the relationship....UNLESS that CHEATING SLUT used a condom!Though this product is marketed to paranoid,creepy dudes...the site tries to freak out potential woman consumers by saying:

On Sunday morning he left the house and told you he was going to play golf.Then,when he came home and took a shower, you grabbed his underwear and did the test.If you detected semen,what is he going to say? "I was masturbating on the golf course."

WAIT!?!? Who DOESN'T masturbate on the golf course?!?!?!I do and I don't even PLAY golf!

the word "hangover" is a double -entendre

2009-01-27T12:52:00.005-05:00

I have a family photo like this...except with one less kid...the doll is a dog:I wonder what happens if a smoker listens to this:and what happens if your plants listen to this:I never thought of the word hangover as a double-entendre before:all these great album covers are from Deke Dickerson's website...he is a musician who collects things.

and of course Ghost Dad!

2009-01-27T00:52:00.007-05:00

I was reading about the great actor Sidney Poitier on IMDB...when something struck me as odd. In his biography it says....

the son of a dirt farmer?!?!That's probably why the family was so poor!

Sidney Poitier is the greatest...not only for his acting skills....but he directed some of my favorite childhood movies!Like, the great "Stir Crazy"..... and the dance battling "Fast Forward"....and of course...."Ghost Dad"!!!!!

O.K I didn't really like "Ghost Dad".......but "Stir Crazy" is the shit!

skull swap

2009-01-26T10:41:00.006-05:00

Ohhhh!!!FUN!!I have a tumblr page now....I will posting on both sites....this one just as much....but the tumblr one is gonna be mostly pictures I take......or make.....or steal from the internet....i will specify which.....over here... skull swap

Bogart is cooler than you.....

2009-01-26T08:42:00.010-05:00

I love this picture because....Actor Humphrey Bogart is chilling with:
1.A picture of himself
2.A great Dane
3.No fewer than 3 animal heads
4.Over 4 trophies
5.Fishing rods,tennis rackets,croquette mallets,golf clubs, a rifle?,golf clubs
6.A miniature sail boat
7.Cool sandals on
8.A pipe
and because....I think I have Borgart-Bacall Syndrome.....which is probably the coolest syndrome to have...if you HAVE TO HAVE one.

Jack Nicholson's multiple personality disorder

2009-01-24T09:55:00.003-05:00

Maybe Jack Nicholson IS the greatest actor in the world....or MAYBE he is just a really good looking guy with a multiple personality disorder.....or maybe everybody was just really SUPER high at this photo shoot.....

interview with an asshole

2009-01-24T09:38:00.005-05:00

I watched this whole "documentary" a while ago online but I thank the site, "Everything is Terrible" for reminding me how hilarious it is. Basically, this paranoid asshole who supposedly worked for the government, gave this show what he claims to be, the US government interviewing an alien....
The mysterious asshole government guy is probably insane and the "alien footage" is so fake... it would have been more realistic to just use footage of the aliens from the movie "Mars Attacks".....

Paul Lynde trips the heavy fantastic.

2009-01-24T01:07:00.005-05:00

I love Paul Lynde...This is from Paul Lynde's 1976 Halloween Special, starring The band KISS, Florence Henderson, Tim Conway, and of course Paul Lynde....you're welcome.and yes I said the band KISS and Paul Lynde.You NEED to WATCH THIS!

satan's son has red hair!

2009-01-24T00:52:00.005-05:00

The German language really makes the movie "Problem Child" sound more horrifying than it was...I mean the movie is awful....but this looks like satan's child.....the French translation is not as bad though....

I wish I was there......

2009-01-22T19:48:00.004-05:00

Apparently, the best parties in the world occurred in the 1980's.... Why? Because, if I told you about a party where David Lee Roth, Rodney Dangerfield, and Pee-Wee Herman just happened to being hanging at.....you would think I was living in some dream/fantasy world...but you would still totally want to go...It is odd that I probably wouldn't have sex with any of these guys individually....but when they are all together.....it's almost erotic!What can I say......I love

plane crash ball pit

2009-01-22T13:44:00.006-05:00

Check out this amazing treehouse......it is almost as cool as the SLIDE HOUSE!speaking of slides...I found this "Titanic" inflatable slide online...it comes with an inflatable ICEBERG..... which seems a bit callous...I am sure people wouldn't like a "horrible tragic plane crash" inflatable ball pit! Actually...that sounds kinda fun.....for a birthday party in HELL!kill yourself!

this can't be real!

2009-01-22T13:37:00.003-05:00

That boy claims he killed this wild hog...but this can't be real!?!?!Actually..... my friend's roommate kinda looks exactly like this...so maybe this is not CGI after all!?!?!?

lil' designer chairs

2009-01-22T03:21:00.006-05:00

I wish I had the money(I live in NYC) and space(again...I live in NYC) for all the designer chairs I covet.....and now I do...kinda...These adorable sets of mini chairs are 1/12 scale models of famous chairs....like the steel Le Corbusier love seat and the George Nelson marshmallow sofa......Here is another set which includes a few chairs by Charles & Ray Eames...as well as Rietveld's Zig Zag Stoel.I know who else will love these!

Fatty Son= Fat Tyson

2009-01-21T06:45:00.003-05:00

I know I talked about this before.... but I can't seem to get over it....Remember how tough Mike Tyson was?!?!?

I still can't believe he is FAT FAT FAT NOW!!!
I hope he gets back to his fighting weight.....but until then.....

LazyTown .....unrated!

2009-01-21T04:25:00.009-05:00

I really love the show LazyTown... which is an Icelandic children's television program on Nick Jr. The show teaches kids to be active...and is part live action, part puppetry,part CGI animation....It's really popular,yet, when I look up the show, I can't help but notice...people are taking all the innocence out of a kid's show....sometimes with hilarious R rated results!
This mash-up of LazyTown+rapper Lil' Jon is AMAZING!

I read a comment on a LazyTown clip that said: so I clicked on the YouTube video at 6 minutes and 7 seconds,just to see this?!

How someone found these ambiguous looking movements,turned it into homosexual sex,then found it important enough to comment about is odd....that I am blogging about it is INSANE!
WHY did someone make these pictures?
?
LazyTown+Salt n' Pepa: Push It

YES

2009-01-19T17:21:00.004-05:00

John Lennon was once asked how he met Yoko Ono........he said he went to an art gallery opening of hers with some friends and in the middle of the room was a ladder...and at the top of the ladder was a magnifying glass...and when you climbed the ladder, you used the magnifying glass to read a word written on the ceiling....he thought it was weird...but he did it....he said if the word had been negative or nonsensical he would have left...but the word on the ceiling written very very small was.....
yes

the SUPER sad BOWL......

2009-01-19T02:42:00.006-05:00

this is morbid....but when looking at the last words of death row inmates before they are executed..I couldn't help but notice a weird common theme.. it seems like American football...and the Super Bowl....are really important to these guys.
It's not just death row inmates....the writer/journalist Hunter S. Thompson before fatally shooting himself in the head,wrote a suicide note..... The note was titled,"FOOTBALL SEASON IS OVER".... Douglas Brinkley,in his piece on the Rolling Stone Web site,tried to explain Thompson's meaning,and wrote: "An avid NFL fan, Hunter traditionally embraced the Super Bowl in January as the high-water mark of his year. February, by contrast, was doldrums time."
Doldrums time indeed.

Scorsese is on my dream team.

2009-01-17T19:22:00.002-05:00

fashion...and food?

2009-01-17T17:01:00.005-05:00

This old cookbook is beautiful....Makes me want to get in the kitchen......like Audrey Hepburn.I wonder if she was really cooking a bite to eat,or if she was one of those anorexic girls that like to bake cupcakes and give them out, but NEVER EATS THEM.....Or maybe Audrey Hepburn was just using the stove as a prop for the photo....I love these old Hollywood staged photos....this actress was like,"Somebody get me some puppies for this picture"!

Ummmm......................Oops?

2009-01-16T15:12:00.007-05:00

it seems a wee bit wrong...considering the recent news of a plane crashing into the Hudson River,but since everyone survived....(YEAH!).....I have cued up this YouTube video for a baby harness....the animation is CRAZY! This is so good it must be CGI?Pixar????

it's kinda morbid to show this,but come on,this video is so overdone! The timer on the video is labeled..."Baby Lap to Ceiling Time".....that's not even scientific sounding!?!

i like hippo butts and i cannot lie.....you other brother's can't.........

2009-01-16T02:30:00.010-05:00

this is a picture of a baby hippo and a adult hippo swimming....check out that big ol' butt. this is amazing.....I already like Madagascar 2 more than i thought i would!!! And I never saw the first one!

the worst band name ever? you decide.

2009-01-15T15:34:00.004-05:00

The Velcro Pygmies caught my attention because they have a terrible band name,a glam rock look even though it is 2009, a amazingly bad video for a Spinal Tap-esque song,and because I can't believe the Myspace pictures!

This guy is literally their biggest fan...they call their fans "Pygheads"...seriously.
No one told the lead singer that the brand, Bebe, only makes clothes for girl's....I bet these 2 babes knew it though...
Apparently Tom Arnold was in the audience once.....SWEET!If you don't think you want to watch the video....check out this still of "Dep" the bass player grabbing a fat girl's boob in the video....This is sexual assault in most states....maybe not Kentucky...

strange magic

2009-01-14T18:35:00.005-05:00

these are old magic novelty product ads I found on a online auction for like $5000 dollars..i didn't buy them...and in the middle of these cool pictures I have placed....quite possibly the GREATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO OF ALL TIME.Watch this video...you will not regret it!It's called Flirting with Magic....it's an ad about picking up girls with magic tricks....it's from the 1980's......sooo... it's from a time when guys thought cheesy bullshit like this would get them laid....we know better now!right?

is a duck down the shirt really magic?!

frozen in this maze.. ..The Shining Way

2009-01-14T03:35:00.007-05:00

It is really cold outside..it's like,Jack Nicholson's final scene in the movie, The Shining, when he is frozen dead....COLD....We are all gonna freeze like him!I have a mind trick which has been helping me a bit .....play anything music that makes you think of warm breezes....I recommend this one....it will work...I HOPE!

Tip #1:how to keep serial killers from killing you

2009-01-13T13:26:00.007-05:00

FBI agent Robert Ressler once asked Richard Trenton Chase how he selected his victims. He said that he went down the streets testing doors to find one that was unlocked. "If the door was locked," he said, "That means you're not welcome." LOCK YOUR DAMN DOOR...NOW!!!!Richard Trenton Chase was a crazy,vampire serial killer..he started to believe that bones were coming out through the back of his head, that his stomach was backwards,that his blood was turning to powder....and that he needed blood from other creatures to replenish it.....so he killed 6 random people in one month.......

someone made a short film about him using barbie dolls and a voice changer(?)....you can watch it....unless you want to enjoy the rest of your life and not live in a nightmare...if you do want to live in fear...ENJOY!

simple beautiful illusion

2009-01-13T10:57:00.001-05:00

getting squirrely

2009-01-13T10:30:00.005-05:00

Oh! Snap! It's Squirrel Time!This is for the crazy cat lady....of squirrels.Who thinks of these puns??They must get Ricky Gervais to write these...they are THAT good!The bag should just say,"I'm NUTS".........

I plead insanity

2009-01-12T13:35:00.005-05:00

I may be losing my mind....I just remembered i made this last night......

Please DON'T KILL YOURSELF.....especially over a dumb altered picture of Eddie Van Halen and Micheal Jackson......I won't if you don't....anti-suicide pacts are great!

team photo

2009-01-12T13:27:00.002-05:00

I love the one asshole kid who makes a face and stupid gesture during the team photo.....I used to hate him for being obnoxious and attention getting....but now I think it's silly.
I should find 100's of team photos with the obnoxious kids and publish them in a coffee table book....Why not?

the needle(point) and the damage done

2009-01-11T04:05:00.004-05:00

I love the blog interspecies friends....the pictures of different species of animals hanging out together are amazingly cute....recently I found this sewn picture...well....technically this framed needlepoint....which is similar to the photo of the real animals from interspecies friends.... I am on Cute Patrol! You two are under arrest!
Because this post has nothing to do with the title....here is Needle and the Damage Done by Neil Young.....

This weekend.....

2009-01-10T17:31:00.001-05:00

Don't forget to do "hood rat stuff" with your friends!

Stanley Kubrick =

2009-01-10T13:56:00.001-05:00

Cornering the market...on fart products!

2009-01-10T12:43:00.010-05:00

When I saw this "Fart Candy" I thought....GROSS! This CANDY must taste like what a fart smells like.......But then I read the description and realized it just makes whoever eats the candy fart....... alot.....
Unless you are feeding your family fart candies.....is this sign necessary???? Is this a frequent problem in your life?....then get a divorce from your husband...he is a monster..... you can buy ALL this stuff at Fart Mart......I wish I was joking...Fart Mart sells a movie?The website is horrifying.....but.....they always have this C.D. in stock....you don't have to wait in line anymore to get it!

the Steve Harvey files

2009-01-09T16:49:00.006-05:00

Someone told me they saw the show Judge Joe Brown...and during the show the judge stopped the proceeding to tell a guy he liked the dude's fade....he told the guy it was the second best fade he had ever seen....the best being comedian Steve Harvey's fade....and then the guy with the fade said he went to school with Steve Harvey....When I went to look up pics of Steve Harvey's hair....I was horrified.it's gone..IS THIS FOR REAL?!?!Steve Harvey has a new look...and it's REALLY REALLY weird....AHHHHH!PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS PHOTO SHOPPED!!!!!

.....anyway.... I couldn't find that FADE CONVERSATION footage on YouTube.....but I DID find a Judge Joe Brown episode where the late singer Rick James is suing a guy over a guitar.....

something is happening and you don't know what it is....

2009-01-08T17:23:00.005-05:00

ballad of a thin man by Bob Dylan.

the alphabet that went A.W.O.L.

2009-01-08T09:09:00.005-05:00

this alphabet is made with those little plastic toy soldiers.....created by artist Oliver Munday...it might be a little too strange for kids.....but it's a cool idea...and it makes me think of that Martika song!

old banks and bars.....

2009-01-08T01:50:00.006-05:00

This is a amazing clock at the top of a closed old bank building in Virginia.....time to save! SO TRUE...and I love the font. This is another sign in the same area.....it's for an old bar called Jimmy's...I should have gone in....I am gonna miss Virgina...it's like an undiscovered land...sometimes I feel like people have taken all the cool NYC building and sign pictures possible!!

still............

2009-01-08T01:13:00.001-05:00

kinda a prehistoric ant farm...

2009-01-07T21:07:00.013-05:00

Triops longicaudatus...or Aquasaurs(the name they are sold under in kid discovery kits)...are living fossils"....they are among the oldest animal species still in existence.....and you can buy them in a ant-farm type kit!BOOM!THESE THINGS ARE SO OLD! Aquasaurs are shrimp which have not changed for around 220 million years...The weird thing is....an Aquasaur lives MAX.about 70 days.....So don't get too attached to your new pet....Honestly...If I was to get a PET SHRIMP...I would opt for Sea-Monkeys®! I read on a website...."it is rumored that they really do look like the cartoon and telepathically mask their appearance...HOLD UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!****WAIT*****!!!!!!! did website just tell me these brine shrimp.... TELEPATHICALLY MASK THEIR APPEARANCE!!!!!!???? YES IT DID! The strangeness continues..."Sea-Monkeys are real Time-Travelers asleep in biological time capsules for their strange journey into the future"! O.K.?!?! This is what kids learn?! Anyway...They live for like 2 years...and they get cool habitats..like sea monkeys IN THE CITY...you can wear them in jewelry(???)..buy fun things to feed them...like banana treats...and love potion...They are pretty cool.....but don't take my word for it...check out the SEA MONKEY GEEK BLOG...this picture is from his blog....seriously...this dude does NOT MESS AROUND!

Extreme furniture climbing!

2009-01-06T21:49:00.006-05:00

Check out these Furniture Safety Brackets....they attach to the wall and your furniture so it doesn't topple over on your kid....it just makes it look like it's going to...a little scary....but... WHAT A RUSH!!!

protection against biological +chemical warfare agents.....and it's SASSY!

2009-01-06T00:36:00.009-05:00

I just picked up a few vintage emergency ESCAPE masks...they seem EASY and calming to use...the instructions read..."one way mask! exit only!"......WHHAATT!??all that AND the carrying case is SO STYLISH!Here is another safety product.....this one provides an exceptionally high level of protection against all known biological and chemical warfare agents.....and it's SASSY!DON'T FORGET THE KIDS!!!
AHHHH!2012?!?!?!?

you buy this=you go to hell

2009-01-05T23:37:00.006-05:00

I don't mean to get all Samuel Johnson(the religious English poet, essayist, moralist, novelist, literary critic, biographer, editor and lexicographer) on this product...but this is flask in a Bible....if you buy this...HAVE FUN....because you are probably going to HELL.

The Bob Bob Newhart Newhart Show!

2009-01-05T22:20:00.006-05:00

I am familiar with Bob Newhart for his stand-up comedy.....not his television shows....but he had quite a career on television.....I think Bob Newhart is the only person who had multiple shows that ALL CONTAINED A VARIATION OF HIS NAME! 1.The Bob Newhart Show 2.Bob 3.Newhart
His 1960 comedy album, The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart, went straight to number one on the charts, beating Elvis Presley and the cast album of The Sound of Music....SUCK ON THAT Sound of Music!?!?!?!

Why did I take these pictures? Insanity!

2009-01-05T20:10:00.007-05:00

these are pictures of my favorite dog in the world, Winston,next to a weird dog statue I found at a thrift store....neither one seemed very into this photo shoot...Come on....work it guys!If you ever want to commit me to an insane asylum.....just show them these pictures....their is no logical excuse for this photo shoot.

purple rain album art

2009-01-05T09:22:00.005-05:00

Prince's Purple Rain is the best movie soundtrack album ever....that is a known fact....it's common knowledge....but I would like to add that it is the most beautiful movie soundtrack album....visually.Look at those pretty flowers and the way they balance the motorcycle bad-ass-ness...Notice the different font each song title is in...
and the androgynous beauty of the record sleeve.....Purple Rain is the shit!
The Big Bear album is artistically close though....

even Jeffery Dahmer would have thought this was cute

2009-01-02T23:03:00.001-05:00

random internet strangers

2009-01-02T22:32:00.005-05:00

sometimes I save pictures on my laptop...but I don't know what they are about....I saved the dude's picture above as...."the Italian"
I do not know these people...I just found them on the internet...you know....here.... this is a map of the internet....for real.

jesus juice not included.....Bubbles sold separately....

2009-01-01T23:40:00.008-05:00

I thought ALL Micheal Jackson dolls were boring....You've seen one Micheal Jackson doll you've seen them all..is what I thought..Yawn!YAWN...little MJ's with big eyes?BORINZZZZZZZZZZZ.....BUT then....let's just say... I WAS VERY WRONG!
THIS ONE.....THIS DOLL...... is different......Check OUT the creepiness!Of course you can pose him!But his face is always the same....scary.Oh...and I almost forgot...HE HAS INTERCHANGEABLE HANDS!?!?!?!this doll better not be anatomically correct...or I am gonna have to buy 100!

rabbit! rabbit!

2009-01-01T14:41:00.003-05:00

rabbit!
rabbit!on the first....I hope it works.

-verse taken from the song "Jinx Removing" by Jawbreaker

2009....going to hell

2008-12-31T18:44:00.001-05:00

the cattiest New Year's ever!

2008-12-31T00:21:00.004-05:00

Celebrate New Year's with comedian Kathy Griffin and news anchor Anderson Cooper on CNN..why? because it's so perfect! GAYS LOVE Kathy Griffin AND Anderson Cooper is TOTALLY ______!?!?!(you can fill in the blank) here's a hint...

I love that movie....product.

2008-12-30T23:10:00.019-05:00

People love movies....and some of those people seek products that scream...."THIS IS THE SPECIFIC MOVIE THAT I LOVE!!!!"............Some love Star Wars....and can show it with these Japanese soy sauce R2-D2 bottles...Perfect for They also make R2-D2 pepper mills!...then again...other people LOVE the movie Scarface.....and now they can take the SCARFACE NAP OF THEIR DREAMS!
Say hello to my little nap.....sorry...I couldn't help it!

groovy books....doesn't rhyme at all.... but looks like it could..

2008-12-30T00:30:00.005-05:00

I am fascinated with old book covers lately...these are some of my favorites....

Apparently.. to be a Christian...you HAVE to follow the DON'T WALK sign!
BASIC MICROWAVING looks basically like TRIPPING ON ACID!The Dubliners LOVE to PARTY...check them out... their big hit was,"Maloney Wants a Drink"....Irish or not....don't we all?!For a second I was worried that fondue wasn't on the menu...thanks for clearing that up! I go bat shit when it's not...

tiger vs. shark

2008-12-29T23:25:00.004-05:00

I read an article on CNN.com about a man in Australia who was killed in a shark attack....the story was tragic.....but the stock photo shark picture is SCARY!
I can only think of one picture that scares me more......that white tiger Odin!!!AHHHH!

The Raven...The Movie

2008-12-29T23:02:00.004-05:00

I recently watched Peter Lorre and Vincent Price in a movie base on Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven....these two are so cute!

Tokyo from space

2008-12-28T21:41:00.003-05:00

this is a picture of Tokyo from space.....courtesy of NASA......I assume.....

awkward porcelain figurine moment....

2008-12-28T21:26:00.005-05:00

I arranged and took this picture at a thrift store.....I am hoping no one thought I was one of those weird porcelain figurine molesters.....though I can see how one would assume....

thrift store crazy cute

2008-12-28T13:47:00.005-05:00

when I visit my family in Virgina, I go kinda thrift store crazy! I spent LESS THAN FIVE minutes in ONE thrift store the other day and took the following pictures.... These old porcelain owls are probably reproduced and $80 at Urban Outfitters!YES, this is a Mrs. Hannigan + ANNIE collector's plate...It's $13 dollars....but I am probably gonna buy it anyway....I should probably buy this one too...at $5 it's a steal!I keep thinking about opening a online furniture store which deliveries thrift treasures like this:and this to people in NYC....you wouldn't believe how much they pay for amazing used furniture!

breakdancing with....Mr. Rogers?!?!

2008-12-28T10:17:00.004-05:00

Pop and Lock......with Mr. Rogers ....he is so cool....I bet he could do the sickest "WORM" in his day!

or just peel the stickers off.....

2008-12-27T20:03:00.001-05:00

here's an old book I found about solving a Rubik's Cube.... I used to just peeled the stickers off and put them back on....that's another solution.

The Funhouse.....that isn't!

2008-12-27T07:58:00.003-05:00

This video is from the band pictured above....Funhouse...they ARE TERRIBLE...their band name should be.... The Shitty Funhouse...they are that bad!

One review I read of their album sounds straight out of the movie Spinal Tap... it said, "One of the bands from the late ’80’s early 90’s glam metal scene, that has been long forgotten about by most is Funhouse.....Funhouse’s sound falls somewhere between Motley Crue, Skid Row and maybe a dash of Ugly Kid Joe. They weren’t as good as any of those bands"....... OUCH! I WILL give Funhouse a cool point for the glam Asian guy in the band...but that guy is the ONLY point they get....and I have to subtract it due to the shitty Dr.Seuss type hats.... and the "insane clown posse" horn section...and the singer's unwarranted sassiness....

naked chicks

2008-12-26T00:29:00.001-05:00

These nudes by photographer Walter Bird are examples of photo etching..... AND these were taken in 1938....there is no way to capitalize 1938 to show you how AMAZED I AM!?!?!these are so lovely!I want to make T-shirts of these prints....how odd a thought, to use the image of a naked woman...to clothe another naked woman.

STUNG!

2008-12-25T23:58:00.010-05:00

Method Man and Redman and comedian Matt Besser had a short lived, AMAZINGLY FUNNY hidden camera show....it was on for a minute...but it was great...give these a chance....this is PRE-Ashton Kutcher/Punk'ed and twenty thousand times better:

me and SANTA....don't get along.

2008-12-24T03:15:00.005-05:00

...see more pictures here and here too.

obligitory X-mas blog

2008-12-24T01:54:00.009-05:00

some people act SO into Christmas...but then they decorate with creepy stuff for their homes...SERIOUSLY? Is that a baby Jesus bear?!?!Isn't that sacrilegious!?!?!.......I had to do a U-turn the other day when I saw.. a LIVE NATIVITY of Jesus...in the freezing cold....with real animals...Whoa, one of the apostles is sporting a flannel....and YES there was a REAL CAMEL!!!Wait is this camel O.K???

PALATE CLEANSER

2008-12-23T21:07:00.005-05:00

Help!my last blog entry totally grossed me out! Ewwww! I need something wholesome and cute!!!!
O.K now I feel better...

p.s the cute bunnies above are from the amazing blog(with new online store!) A PRINT A DAY ...

seriously???? terrorist porn?!?!?!

2008-12-23T20:24:00.005-05:00

Terrorism is a serious subject...I THOUGHT...then I saw this Grenade Alarm Clock from Japan...and I thought it kinda callous...AND someone made this TERRORIST ROLE PLAYING PORNO.... it's a Osama Bin Laden-ish looking white dude and his terrorist friends kidnapping and then raping a blonde porn star who is pretending to be a American news anchor....grossI can't even fathom why this exists....if the world ends tomorrow...this porn is the reason....

horrific crime......I'm lovin' it

2008-12-23T20:18:00.003-05:00

This news article about a guy trying to kill his wife with a hammer is terrible and tragic....but the McDonald's "I'm Lovin'It" logo above the story makes the whole thing even more disturbing.

little animal buddies...and a gross Appleface.

2008-12-22T21:46:00.003-05:00

this picture is so cute! I mean look at that rat's face...it almost looks PhotoShopped!?!?Oddly enough,when I looked up the word,"photoshopped", this is the first image that came up.Gross!!!Hey AppleFace, you just ruined my "little animal buddies" buzz!

Walter Plunckett ......coolest gay man....ever??

2008-12-22T00:34:00.004-05:00

Walter Plunkett was an Academy Award winning costume designer for films such as, Singing in the Rain, and Gone With The Wind.....he was also and amazing artist, a collector (and painter)of rare orchids...he seems like he was one of those cool amazing gay dude's that make everything around them fun and perfect and beautiful.....I love those kind of guys....Plunkett even adopted his partner, Lee, so that Lee could inherit his estate....Plunkett was so cool...He would make needlepoint and paintings of his costumes that were so breathtaking...and he was probably like," Oh it's just something I did Sunday afternoon when I was bored"?!?!?!?....anyway here are a few more of his drawings....each one is perfect!